Poetry by Cindy Jacks 

The Point of Distraction

Mundane

Dragging,

Sleepy,

Lazy,

Circuitous, accidental existence

Walking through,

Begging for peace, hiding from the bells and whistles, wishing to escape, to fade into the background, pushing down my natural tendencies,

Rave no more, rave no more.

But wanting you more,

Running headlong into the spider’s web

Just to wrap myself in sticky silk and wait for you to drain me

And in being wrung dry,

Finding the point of distraction

Slumping over, sweaty, sapped, soundly sleeping,

Sated

For now.

Set Aside

I did for you

All that you asked,

Well,

If not all, more than I should have,

And yet I sit amid

The pain, the doubt, the fierce insecurity

Of a lover rebuffed

Rebuked

Scolded

Chastised

And set aside

For every good reason

But good reason does not salve my wounded affections

Or my morose musing on an unfinished chapter of verse,

Waking abruptly from a dream--

Me, You, and Them

Once meaningful pieces of me, lost

Wrapping around my consciousness, ticking themselves off

My karmic grocery list

The stray moments, objects, places, and lives

Fallen across the fine thread of my existence

Overlapping for just that specific intersection

And passing through that crossroads, they are for me no more.

Each of them an illusory space

A slow sense of permanency we believed in,

Always have been and always will be.

But through a logical evolution, slipped away one by one

Or were severed abruptly by a great upheaval,

Severed,

Moving on.

The myth of progress

The gradual procession of events

One thing leads to another, leads to another, leads to another

And eventually leads me to you

Where we exist in our own daily sense of solidarity

Believing that the river of time will not sweep us past each other

Or pull one of us under to pay our only true debt

And yet I can't suspend my disbelief.

At Peace

Loosening reality,

Gauze wrapped around my senses.

There is no place better I know.

No pain, no regret, no doubt, no rage

Only the quiet observation; a lack of sensation

Tangible comfort,

My breath,

My bones,

I want to eat this dream forever

Waiting,

Watching the clock

Timing my next dose

Encapsulated beauty

Measured euphoria

Gorgeous, delectable apathy

Distance

Ethereal mind

Riding out the pleasure

I am not of this world, I am my own world,

Anesthetized with eyes wide open,

The only peace I know.

Desperately craving more.

My Lover

My lover’s mouth yields fortunes of passion

Soft caressing tongue

Pulling me down into him

Fragrant, urgent skin

Heated with portended pleasure

Rocks me with tremors of anticipation

Imagine--

He sinks into me

Tremors of bliss

Drawing him to my eager lips

Solid

Volcanic

Moving both heaven and Earth

Between my thighs

And the moment has come

Undoing

The girl come undone…

Daily tasks, confusion

Clutched by anguish

She cannot hear the music

Discards her joyful participation in the sorrows of the world

Language stuck in her throat,

Tears that will not fall,

She now understands the phrase:

Gut wrenching

Arduous melancholy

Too cumbersome a load which

Bears down on her faith

Her psyche

And her silly, stupid heart

More fragile

Than is sensible to be in this world

Once thought the risk worth taking

But now she knows

All.

Will.

Be.

Lost.

And they say

The girl come undone….

Grief

I do not understand

What I should do

With the blankets wrapped around my body

The food portioned on my plate

The clothes hanging in my closet

The toothbrush

The hairbrush

The coffee pot

Shoes, socks, pens, papers, keys, forks and knives,

Door knobs,

The change in my pocket

The forgotten book on my nightstand

My day.

My night.

The hours, the minutes

The dreams

The drudgery,

And the love for you that still lives

In my heart,

Because you aren't anywhere you can receive it.

Sweet

Mellifluous tide

Rippling thoughts of your ardent embrace

Lush, blossoming,

Dew covered words

Drip lightly from my honeyed fingertips

Rich, delectable, candied emotion

Smooth and caramelized

Melting over my skin

Stirring day

Into my night

Winking, sparkling, dappled radiance

Bursting forth,

Brimming with the memory of your sumptuous kiss

Pulled soft and supple,

Viscous reveries

Flush with craving for the taste of your lips

On my lips

Heated, rhythmic,

Sugared breath

Blooming passion

Heat rises

Blushing florid

Taken

Enamored

Sweet on you

Phoenix

A fine silver thread

Slices across the horizon

Night’s tenure on my heart

About to break

I can feel the color of sunrise

Rekindling flame and heat

Ready to burst across the hilly landscapes of my life

I have seen the darkest depths of my despair

I have weathered the turbulence of my weary soul

I have drudged a millions miles away from my home

Only to return to my starting place

The amnesia of my morality

Recedes

Startling clarity

I am here once again

I rise

Unbeaten

Unbroken

Unashamed

Unconquered

And unextinguished

Full again of roiling, effervescent life

Set it off

Opening petal softness

Liquid smooth

Sexy, cool lover

God of my underworld

Melting beneath you

Shivering

Conjoined

As long as our will can hold out

Your electric embrace

Touched by the lightening in the palm of your hand

Wrapped in your sweet darkness

Strong sheltering arms

Cradled in the eye of the storm

Bodies collide and release

Ignited

Thunderstruck

Baby

Oh!

Set it off

At Last

Desperately trying to rise

Through the ebony tide surrounding me

The full weight of the ocean

Crushes down

Compressed and trapped

Unable to take a breath

I fight my upward, following the light

--Pure, sparkling, shimmering light--

Breaks the azure, rippling surface

I find the sun in your gaze

You place your lips to mine

Filling me with sweet warm breath

No longer waiting to inhale

I am at home…at last

Falling

An unappreciated grace resounds

In my futile actions

The usual fears

And the prayers

Fallen on deaf ears

Redemption always a breath away

Over Him

Two dresses

White satin

Red silk

Tags dangle, never removed

Invisible stains

Regret and shame

Snatch them—hangers rattle

Push them down

White plastic stretches

A garbage bag full

Garments no longer loved.

But I still love the dresses.

Bind up the bag

Cast it away

A rusting yellow box reads, “Donations.”

But I still love the dresses.

Silent forgiveness

He is weak.